Aaron Rodgers Suffers Strange Injury During Match Against Browns

PITTSBURGH—In a devastating setback, Aaron Rodgers may be sidelined for weeks due to a torn cerebellum. Sources confirmed the injury following a strange incident during the Steelers’ opening drive against the Browns.

Rodgers, who appeared to be in a good rhythm, suddenly fell to the ground clutching his head. Steelers head trainer Gabe Amponsah described the moment, saying, “he seemed to be fine until he ended up on the turf, screaming for someone to bring over his crystals.”

The injury occurred when Rodgers attempted to make a telepathic audible, trying to transmit a play directly to his teammates’ minds. This effort, Amponsah noted, resulted in what he called immediate physical paralysis and a peculiar metallic taste in Rodgers’ mouth.

“When I got out on the field, he told me a dark spiritual force had blocked his mindspeak and that something inside his brain had popped,” Amponsah said. “He believed he could stay in the game by astrally projecting into a different form, but it was clear he was in severe psychogenic distress and needed to come out.”

As of press time, Rodgers was reportedly in stable condition. In an unexpected turn, he wore a homemade neuro-healing helmet, crafted from a colander, D batteries, and rare bird feathers, in an attempt to realign his cerebral vibrations with his True Consciousness.