Celtics Coaches Humiliate Media in Pickup Game

BOSTON — The Boston Celtics coaching staff delivered a stunning blow to local media members during a pickup basketball game on Tuesday, winning decisively with a score of 57-4.

Head coach Joe Mazzulla surprised everyone by announcing that instead of competing against each other, the media would face the coaching staff after their practice at the Auerbach Center. The media initially expected a friendly game, but Mazzulla’s intensity turned it into a humiliation.

“I don’t want to break it to you, but you’re not playing against each other. You’re playing against the coaches,” Mazzulla said, signaling the beginning of a one-sided contest.

Celtics assistant coaches, including former NBA players Sam Cassell and Tony Dobbins, displayed their skills and athleticism, which contrasted sharply against the media members. Most of the reporters, many of whom joked about their fitness levels, faced a team that routinely trains and plays together.

Throughout the game, Mazzulla urged his team to apply full-court pressure, leaving media players scrambling for any advantage. Even during breaks, Mazzulla remained relentless, barking commands to maintain the intensity.

The media’s only four points came after what seemed like a miracle, as they struggled to cross half-court under relentless pressure. In a game merely lasting 12 minutes, the experienced coaches dominated every aspect of play, scoring points at will and often reclaiming offensive rebounds.

The game concluded with a buzzer-beater from God Shammgod Jr., sealing the deal with a 53-point margin. “Get up!” Mazzulla yelled, pushing his coaches to keep the pace and intensity high throughout.

After the game, as the media could only laugh at their fate, Celtics player Jaylen Brown chimed in. “Anyone want to do media?” he called down from above the court in jest.

Reflecting on the experience, Mazzulla expressed the importance of bridging the gap between players and media. “It was important that we did that yesterday,” he said. “We’re all doing our job, and it humanizes the interactions between us.”

As social media buzzed with the shocking final score, reporters faced friendly jabs from friends, some branding the loss “disgusting.” Despite the embarrassment, Mazzulla emphasized the event’s significance in building rapport beyond the usual brief press conferences.