Reflections on Running: From Band Kid to Personal Triumph

SWARTHMORE, Pa. — In a journey toward self-acceptance and personal accomplishment, a former “band kid” recounts her evolution from musical aspirations to finding solace in jogging. The author reflects on experiences of disappointment, mentorship, and self-worth as she navigates the challenges of competitive environments.

Having always identified as a band member rather than an athlete, the writer began jogging during the COVID-19 quarantine, a decision that unexpectedly unearthed her love for running. “I’ve trained myself up to a slow ten miles, which I’m proud of, but it pales in comparison to my friends on cross country,” she shares.

As she jogged in a local park, surrounded by sycamores and serene landscapes, she found herself reflecting on both past successes and failures. “I remembered when I was in 6th grade, auditioning for a tenor saxophone solo. My lungs filled with oxygen as I spit out notes with a blaring boom. I didn’t get the solo,” she recalls, noting the impact of her failures on her musical journey.

The emotions of losing competitions were revisited in a conversation with a friend about cross country. “For the first time, I laid it all out. We shared our experiences of disappointment from mentors, competition with classmates, and dedication to a craft that most people wouldn’t be able to appreciate,” she explained. Disappointment had marred her childhood ambitions, leading to a decade-long abandonment of music after not making All-State on clarinet.

“I waved goodbye to controlling private teachers, condescending instructors, and a culture that perpetuated a hostile peer environment,” she said. This experience brought further reflection on the conditions that often accompany competitive atmospheres. “I can imagine a world where my friend and I had supportive high school environments. One that allowed me to explore music as well as track, without the constant pressure of perfectionism,” she pondered.

The intertwining of her identity with both music and running is evident. Each run encourages her to reorient her perceptions of self-worth away from competitive grading and toward personal achievement. “Making a personal record does not seem wholly unlike the grades I’d receive at the end of playing my piece,” she remarked, demonstrating the connection between performance in both fields.

While she acknowledges the emotional weight tied to personal achievements, the author finds joy in the freedom of running. “When I run now, I have the ability to learn a new skill in my own way. I can test myself, make personal records, and sprint alongside my friends,” she stated. This shift in perspective has invigorated her relationship with physical fitness.

The narrative concludes with a challenge to reevaluate competitive structures in both sports and the arts. “So I ask: can we change the way we think about sports, music, and competition?” This poignant question resonates, inviting readers to reassess their experiences and the societal constructs surrounding achievement.