Allison Holker Opens Up About Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss’s Hidden Struggles in New Memoir

Allison Holker, the widow of Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss, is sharing her journey of healing and the painful discoveries she made after her husband’s death by suicide in December 2022. In her new memoir, This Far, Holker reveals the hidden struggles Boss faced, including his battle with mental health and substance use, which she uncovered after his passing.

Holker, 36, found a ‘cornucopia’ of drugs, including mushrooms and pills, hidden in Boss’s shoeboxes while cleaning out their closet weeks after his death. ‘It was very alarming to me to learn that there was so much happening that I had no clue about,’ Holker told PEOPLE in an exclusive interview. ‘It was a really scary moment in my life to figure that out, but it also helped me process that he was going through so much and he was hiding so much.’

Boss, a beloved DJ and co-executive producer of The Ellen DeGeneres Show, had been privately struggling with his mental health, as revealed in his journals. Holker discovered entries where Boss alluded to being sexually abused as a child and his attempts to self-medicate to cope with his pain. ‘He was wrestling with a lot inside himself, and he was trying to self-medicate and cope with all those feelings because he didn’t want to put it on anyone,’ Holker said.

Holker, who shares three children with Boss, emphasized the importance of mental health awareness and seeking help. ‘I really hope people dealing with the same thing will help themselves out of the shadows and [know] you’re going to be okay,’ she said. She has since partnered with mental health organizations to advocate for those struggling silently.

In her memoir, Holker also reflects on her own difficult childhood and how she has worked to heal while raising her children. ‘I’m trying to allow [help] now in my life,’ she said. ‘Let my daughter help me, let my friends help me. I’m struggling a little bit with it still, but I’m putting my best step forward.’

Holker’s memoir, This Far, is set to release on February 4 and is available for preorder. She hopes her story will inspire others to seek help and find light in their darkest moments.